I sign my name on these posts as “RGD” but that is not my name, those are not even my initials.
So why do I do it?
When I started this blog I wanted to stay anonymous. I was working full-time and did not want anyone to know what I was doing on the side. I didn’t want to get grief, I did not want to answer questions and I really did not want the attention.
When you’re anonymous criticism is a little easier to take. If someone does not like my post I can delete their comment and move on. However if I am not writing under an alias and a friend reads my post and does not like it I hated the idea that they might talk to someone else I know and spread the word that I really suck at this. I have since developed a little thicker skin but at the time my mind would run wild with how this thing could snowball and I was certain that eventually everyone on earth would be laughing about my blog. Sounds ridiculous I know, but that’s the dangerous game you play when you let your mind wander in a destructive direction.
What does it stand for?
It is the initials of three men:
R stands for ‘Ray’, my father who has since passed on. My relationship with him was the strongest near the end of his life. I do wish I had done some things differently early on, but I am glad we were able to create a tremendous bond while he was still with us. Other father/son relationships have had a longer stretch of good times but I am fortunate we had the good times that we did. Some sons never get any of the good stuff with their dad, this short stretch of good times was how it was supposed to be for me. It was when he became very, very sick that I had decided that I was going to get clean and get start to get my life in order. I decided on this change for myself, but it was also heavily influenced by my dad. As I watched him battle his own health issues, a lot of which were probably attributed to decades of alcohol abuse, I could see in his eyes that he knew things were not going well for me and it tugged at his heart. His generation is not big on showing emotion but you could clearly see the empathy he had for me. He did not want me to make the same mistakes he did. He wasn’t mad that I too developed an alcohol problem but he more than anything wanted to see me be happy with being me, being Dan.
G stands for ‘Galen’, my father-in law. When my father passed on I was definitely a little lost. I missed that father figure who I could talk sports with, get advice from and tell me what I needed to hear not just what I wanted to hear. I found that in Galen. He showed me you can show your heart and still be a manly guy. Follow your heart, it doesn’t matter what others think. When he came into my life I really started to be more comfortable in my own skin.
D stands for “Dan”, me.
This is really an evolution. Ray helped shaped me in the beginning, Galen picked up from where Ray left off and the two of them shaped who I am today.
Well, that is why I use those initials and why I will continue to use those initials. I am not hiding anything, it’s more of a comfort thing which has now turned into a tribute.